Self-Soothing

An ACT-Informed View of Self-Soothing (based on work by Dr Russ Harris)

To soothe is to bring comfort, calm, or ease to moments of distress—and self-soothing means learning how to offer that support to yourself, rather than relying solely on others. It overlaps closely with self-compassion, which at its heart means recognising your own suffering and responding with warmth and care.

Acceptance-Based Self-Soothing

In Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), self-soothing is grounded in acceptance, not avoidance. While some approaches aim to reduce or escape discomfort through distraction or numbing, ACT encourages a different path. Here, self-soothing is part of a wider process of making space for painful experiences, treating yourself kindly, and engaging in nurturing actions that align with your values. The focus isn't on eliminating pain, but on meeting it with gentleness and purpose.

A New Perspective on Relief

The word “relief” originates from a Latin term meaning to lift or lighten. We all naturally seek relief from pain—but in ACT, this relief doesn’t come from fighting or fleeing discomfort. Instead, profound relief can arise when we stop the internal struggle, drop the resistance, and allow ourselves to be present with what is. This shift—from battling pain to making peace with it—can be transformative. Practices like the "Pushing Away Paper" exercise illustrate how quickly relief can arrive when we let go of that inner tug-of-war.

What About Avoidance?

Avoidance-based soothing—like watching a show to distract from anxiety or taking a walk to escape distress—isn’t inherently wrong. In fact, these strategies can be genuinely helpful at times. ACT doesn't reject avoidance altogether; it only challenges it when it becomes so rigid or excessive that it limits our lives. The difference with acceptance-based soothing is that it remains helpful even when pain doesn’t go away. It allows us to relate to pain differently—not as something to conquer, but as something we can carry more gently.

When Soothing Becomes Harmful

Sometimes, people turn to harmful behaviours—such as substance use, overeating, or self-harm—as a way to soothe distress. These acts often serve a very human purpose: to find relief. In therapy, it can be useful to frame these behaviours with compassion—as survival strategies that may have helped in the past. Acknowledging their function fosters understanding and respect for the person's resilience. From there, we can gently explore their long-term impact and move toward more sustainable ways of coping. This is where ACT’s process of “creative hopelessness” comes in: recognising that while these strategies may work short term, they don’t ultimately support a rich and meaningful life.

Self-Soothing Activities

Many mindfulness-based practices can serve as powerful tools for self-soothing. These might include more structured exercises such as:

Mindful breathing

Body scans

Self-compassion meditations

You can also create your own self-soothing experiences by gently tuning into your senses. For example, try mindfully observing what you:

See around you

Hear in the environment

Smell in the air

Exploring the five senses with curiosity and presence can be deeply grounding. You might reflect on what feels calming or pleasant to:

Touch, or be touched by

Taste, eat, or drink

Do—through movement, rest, or creative expression

These activities don’t have to be elaborate. Even small, sensory moments—like wrapping yourself in a soft blanket, sipping a warm drink, or listening to a favourite piece of music—can bring comfort when approached with mindful awareness and self-kindness.