Self Centered vs. Selfish vs. Self-care

Many people struggle with setting boundaries or putting themselves first because they worry it might seem selfish. But taking care of yourself is not only okay — it's essential for emotional well-being. Let's break it down.

"Self-care is not a luxury—it's a lifeline. You can’t pour from an empty cup, so refill yours with kindness, rest, and love."

- Iwona

1. Self-Centred Behaviour

"I’m the main focus, and I expect others to revolve around me."

- Focuses excessively on one's own needs, opinions, or feelings.
- May struggle to show empathy or interest in others' experiences.
- Can include interrupting, dominating conversations, or not recognizing others’ needs.
- Often unaware of impact on others.

Example: Always steering the conversation back to yourself, even when someone else is struggling.

2. Selfish Behaviour

"I get what I want, even if it hurts others."

- Actively ignores or dismisses the needs, feelings, or boundaries of others.
- Prioritises personal gain or comfort at the expense of others.
- Can be manipulative or controlling.

Example: Taking the last of something knowing someone else needs it, and not caring how that affects them.

3. Healthy Self-Care

"I value myself and others. I meet my needs so I can function and connect."

- Intentionally tending to your emotional, physical, mental, and spiritual needs.
- Helps you stay balanced, resilient, and better able to support others.
- Includes setting boundaries, resting, asking for help, or saying no.

Example: Saying no to a social event because you’re overwhelmed and need rest — without guilt.

Why Self-Care Is Not Selfish?

Self-care means recognising that your needs matter. When you are well-rested, emotionally balanced, and clear on your boundaries, you’re more likely to:

- Be present with others
- Make thoughtful decisions
- Cope with stress
- Offer support without resentment

Try This:
Ask yourself:

Am I meeting my needs in a way that respects others?

Do I feel guilty when I prioritise my well-being? Why?

Is there a boundary I need to set today to look after myself?

Final Thought:
- You can care for yourself without hurting others.
- Self-care is an act of self-respect — not selfishness.
- Let go of the guilt, and give yourself permission to thrive.